Talking Shit is a Spectrum

Analyzing when my hater tendencies are being used for good versus bad

Candid of Lexi and I talking shit at a coffee shop on the weekend

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit more like a hater than usual—for more reasons than I’m able to disclose publicly or I’ll end up pissing several people off. Last week it got to a point where I was talking so much shit that the amount of negativity I felt was pissing ME off. I legit whipped out an elastic band to snap on my wrist every time I caught myself wanting to talk shit or if I DID talk shit.

I’ve noticed when I’m listening to other people’s problems or situations involving people I already dislike, I start to internalize them in a deeper way and use it to feed into the initial dislike I have. It’s honestly nightmare fuel that’s effects become increasingly obvious when I vent about specific people but don’t feel resolved after. I think it comes from a place of feeling validated that I’m not the only one who holds this dislike anymore, but also just a result of suppressing that dislike in the first place rather than accepting it for what it is.

Whether people like to admit it or not, everyone enjoys talking shit to some extent. I think anyone who says they don’t or that they don’t talk shit in the first place are probably the most evil ones walking on earth. What I’m personally continuing to learn is how to decipher between talking shit for the sole reason of needing to get something off my chest—and from there coming up with a plan on how to move forward or just simply never thinking of it again, OR if I’m doing it just because I want to boost my own ego through a superficial-sense of validation or soothe underlying insecurity. When it’s the latter, I’ve picked up that I typically feel a sense of anxiety and guilt after doing so. What it boils down to when deciphering between the two is one of the oldest sayings in the book: if it’s not something you would say to the person’s face, that is true, ego-boosting shit talking.

Something I picked up on while I was feeling those negative emotional spells as a result of my venting last week was that I did feel lighter after I realized I felt comfortable saying what I was saying to each person’s face if given the opportunity. I don’t do well with hiding my dislike for someone the moment I’ve come to accept it, and I don’t stray from telling them if I have the chance to. At first, what made me feel off after was sitting with that pent-up aggression and not knowing where it was coming from. It’s that type of talking shit that keep you still interested in the affected party’s life because you’re looking for more reasons to dislike them. I realize the more I fall into patterns like that the worse I feel about myself at the end of the day.

I think what helps me maintain a state of not being an overly-bitter person but instead being what I call a “tasteful hater” is that I don’t hide the fact that I sometimes enjoy spewing out the negativity I feel as a means to not allow it to boil inside of me—but doing so with an understanding of where it’s actually coming from. Otherwise, then I’m just being straight up mean (there is DEFINITELY a difference between the two).

All of this is to simply say: talking shit, like many other things, is a spectrum. It takes having an honest conversation with yourself on why you’re doing it in the first place—whether it’s out of jealousy, from a place of hurt, etc, and accepting whatever the reason may be to ensure you don’t allow it to take over your life. Doing this is what makes your decision-making after you’ve said your piece so much easier. You either address it or swallow the pill that it’s coming from your own insecurity!